I use to be a yes girl. Need someone to do you a favor? Need someone to volunteer? Need a sitter, a baker, a candlestick maker?? Ok, you get the picture…but REALLY…I once volunteered to be President of my HOA just so we could end the meeting.http://reteks.ru
Without thinking, as soon as someone needed something, I was raising my hand. And then I got OVERWHELMED and resentful.
Taking a good look at WHY I was doing things…I realized a BIG part of it was wanting to make people happy, wanting to feel important, and wanting people to like me. Even if it was at the expense of myself or my family. Sound familiar? Keep reading…
THEN, I got reallllly good at saying NO!! I was SO good at it. Too good at it. It came out of my mouth before I even had the chance to consider if it was truly the right answer or what I wanted. No became my knee jerk reaction. It helped me guard myself from all of the people, things, demands, that were trying to suck the very life out of me…a little dramatic? Yes.
What I came to realize is like a new driver, scared and unsure, I overcorrected. Saying no out of habit, is not the answer either. Sure, in many ways, it was a lot easier than saying yes…however…it also left me missing out on a lot of things. I became more distant, less involved and less open.
Of course, sometimes the answer IS very obvious. Its the gray areas which still give me a fit. I know my priorities but am also highly distractible and tend to be a people pleaser at my core. Throw a bright and shiny object or a friend in need in my path and I lose sight of most everything. Sometimes I am ok with this, sometimes, when its at the expense of my schedule, or other people counting on me…not so much.
Ahhhh, the elusive happy medium. While I don’t have THE answer, I am still working on this issue…I do believe it lies somewhere in the middle. Balance, as with most other things in life may just be the key.
Still feeling guilty about saying NO? Consider this…every time you say yes to something, you reduce the amount of resources you have to give to elsewhere. There is only ONE of you. If saying yes is stealing time you would rather spend with family, friends or on your goals here are a few steps toward being ok with no.
A few ways to stop saying YES all the time:
– KNOW your priorities and be ok with them. Saying no is NOT impolite.
– Offer an alternative. Unable to do something, or just don’t feel like it? There may be a compromise somewhere between yes and no.
and my FAVORITE…
– PRACTICE. Here is a phrase that you can use. Try it out, and no apologies…
‘No, thank you. That doesn’t work for me.’
Do you struggle with this? Comment below…I’d LOVE to hear what has helped!