Help…wanted or not!

We’ve talked before about being open to receiving help but today I’d like to chat about giving it. Sounds good right? It’s so nice to help people. It feels good to be helpful. For SOME of us…a little too good.

What happens if someone doesn’t really want your help? Is it helpful to give advice, solutions, etc when someone really just wanted to be heard? Maybe. Sometimes. Other times, maybe not.

This is something that I have STRUGGLED (and yes, that did warrant caps, I mean struggled HARD) with over the past few years. I use to help people as a full time hobby…but sometimes, on their end I think it felt like a contact sport more than a helpful hand. An ex beau of mine teasingly (but in trying to make a point) nicknamed me Ms. Helpy Helperton.

If you mentioned in passing you were looking for an apartment, I’d google and send you links on my lunch break (I use to work for the man). If you told me you LOVED a certain brand of something that was hard to find, I’d look HIGH and LOW for it and get it for you. I was ADDICTED to helping people. The high I got from it was better than…actually caring about IF they wanted, needed or should receive my help.

SHOULD? Yeah, thats a novel idea I did not quite grasp back then. Sometimes by helping (read DOING) for others, we are not holding THEM capable. We rob them of their own experiences, we steal their moment of pride or accomplishment in reaching a solution on their own.

What I realized is…somewhere along the way…what probably started out as good intention (I STILL truly love helping others) got twisted sometimes and ended up being about control or about MY desire rather than the person I was so hell bent on helping.

These days I try to stay aware of – IF my help is wanted, WHAT sort of help is appropriate (if any) and WHY I am helping. Just some questions I try to remember to ask myself to  keep me honest and my intentions in line with how I really want to be.

Was this article helpful? 😛

Hope Fato

Hope Fato is a Lifestyle Coach focusing on Health & Wellness. This Mom of 3 strives to help others receive the support they need in making positive changes in their health and in their life. Whether you are struggling physically, financially, or emotionally she is here to help you bring out your BEST inner self and help you achieve real results.


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6 Responses to Help…wanted or not!

  1. I know that I am guilty of this! Thanks for the reminder that sometimes the best way to help is to do nothing at all 🙂

  2. OH my Gosh!! I love this post! 😉 Your so cute, honest and open. It’s refreshing Hope, it really is. I literally laughed out loud when you said “I used to help people as a full time hobby” Maybe I love it so much because I can relate. I used to help people because it made me feel important. But it was really me looking for approval and importance in places I shouldn’t have been. This is GREAT!!

  3. Brianna says:

    This is pretty awesome. I realized I did this a while back. But I think I did a complete 180 when I pulled back. I love to help people but sometimes I’m afraid to get back to being like I was so I retreat. I’m slowly branching out with the yoga and helping folks. Still feels kind of weird.

  4. coachsanto says:

    I totally understand this and your idea of robbing them of the experience is so true. I guess that is the great part, we can still help when asked or if its hinted at. I learned that a long time ago not to force. Guess we are all just giving folks!

  5. I can relate to this. I am a BIG problem solver. I’ve always taken it more as a challenge to myself being able to complete it and solve others problems when they make a statement that they have struggled with it. But you are right – we totally rob them of the experience and don’t even know IF they WANT to be helped!

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