It’s definitely a conversation I’ve had before and its seems like there is a pattern. Most of the people who have a really hard time accepting help are the very kind of people who are the FIRST to offer it. They will bend over backwards and go out of their way to do for others, yet prefer to just keep quiet if they need anything. They would rather silently struggle and smile and say “oh, thanks…no, I’m fine”
I know because I use to be one of those people. It still isn’t easy. I thought it was just because I didn’t want to bother anyone, or trouble them. I thought I just preferred helping because I was so nice 🙂
What I found out was it was because I am a bit of a control freak!
Not that my help is not genuine or heartfelt, it is but when *I* am the person doing…I am in control. When someone is doing for me, I am open and vulnerable and dependent upon someone else. That was big and scary. That felt like giving up control.
What I have learned is that to be WILLING to be open and vulnerable and admit you need help IS strong. If you give people a chance, you will usually be surprised. I have also learned that to allow someone to give you the gift of help is a kindness. If someone loves me and wants to support me, my telling them no is shutting them down. My pretending “I’ve got this” when I don’t…causes a disconnect when a connection could have happened.
a few steps toward change:
Sometimes, life puts you in a situation when you have no choice but to let go and lean into the support of others. Sometimes those situations suck but the love and the grace and the connections are a beautiful gift. And the lesson is there can be tremendous strength in vulnerability.
Is reaching out for help hard for you? Is there a situation when you had no choice?
Hope Fato is a Lifestyle Coach focusing on Health & Wellness. This Mom of 3 strives to help others receive the support they need in making positive changes in their health and in their life. Whether you are struggling physically, financially, or emotionally she is here to help you bring out your BEST inner self and help you achieve real results.
P.S. – If you found this post helpful, please share it with others so they can benefit, too!